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The day and life of cancer
I was sitting here thinking about cancer. I had cancer! Sometimes I still can't comprehend that. I went to a club meeting with my daughter Sara (15) and they were discussing Breast cancer awareness. I thought back to the place I had in my breast, I thought is was due to my pregnacy, a milk duct or something like that. I thought about it everyonce in a while but thought its nothing. Well when I went with Sara and felt some of the examples I thought ya know that kinda feels like what I have. So I made a appointment with my ob/gyn and he said its proabaly nothing, but you don't want to messing around with this if it is cancer. Cancer I thought, I can't have cancer. But I went to a dr in Columbia and he felt of it and said. I feel these all the time, I really think this is a fibriod I really don't think you have anything to worry about. Well I went and had it tested just to be sure. The day I was suppose to go I thought I don't won't to travel all that way just for them to tell me its nothing. So I called and asked them if they could just tell me the results. Well the nurse said we don't usually don't tell results on the phone. Well I said can't you fax the results to my Dr. here. She said hold on, and she came back and said there was a problem with my test. Ok I thought I will probably have to do the test again. So I said I will be there. I called my husband and work and told him and he said I will meet ya there. I thought How nice he loves me so much. Well I was trying not to worry to much and was sitting around waiting for the time to go by. I was watching tv and a breast cancer commerical came on. I thought how odd, I never noticed that before. I watched and thought I hope that doesn't happen to me. The last thing I remember them saying that "breast cancer is not a death sentence" I look back and think about how God was prepareing me. Thank you God.
Well I went to the Dr and he said it came back that you have cancer, and I didn't here anything else after that. Its like on Charlie Brown , wha wha wha, ya know Linus I think. My husband was so supportive and said we are going to make it thru this, I forgot to tell you he prayed with me before we went into the office which meant a lot to me, that was the first time he ever prayed out loud with me. God was with us during this time. I didn't break down crying or anything, I was upset don't get me wrong, but God gave me the grace to deal with this. I called all my sisters and mom to tell them. I don't really know how they felt and dealt with it but I am sure they were devestated. But as we were taught all out life is that the Lord is with us and he will never leave us. He was there the whole time.
My thoughts went to Chemotherophy, I wasn't really worried with the cancer. I felt fine I wasn't sick. But I knew the chemo was going to be bad. When I went to the oncologist all I heard was staticstics and numbers. Its a numbers game. I had a hard time dealing with the fact that I am fine and they want to give me something that is going to make me sick.
I researched and read up on cancer and the effects of chemo and learned alot and that they have medications to deal with sickness. Great I thought, because the thought of throwing up terrified me. I have always been scared of that. Well I went for my first treatment and I told the lady in there I am not going to throw up the Lord cares about the little things in our lives and I prayed that I would not and I am going to believe Him. Well the nurse said that is the right attitude to have but looked at my husband, as if I couldn't see as to say she is going to be real sick to be prepared. The chemo I was taking was very strong and that they were blasting me because I was young and my body could take it. That didn't sit to well with me. But I went with it.
I did three treatments with that office and during my treatment for reasons that are to many to write, I decided to get a second opinion. My husband didn't won't me too, but you women know that when that inner voice tell you something you better listen. Well the day before I had surgery I went to a different Dr. and they confirmed what I had thought about my treatment. I might tell you about that aspect of it one day. But I will tell you that if feel like that you should do something different that what you are listen to yourself (God) and do it. I am so glad I did. I made it thru surgery. I had a lumpectomy and I am now fixing to start radiation. I made it thru chemo wow! I am alot stronger than I ever thought I was. whew! There is so much more I could tell you about, but I don't have time to write a book hehe! I just needed to get alittle bit off my chest. HEHE no pun intended Man I crack my self up.
I have dealt with alot in my life, my ex-husband getting involved in witchcraft, getting divorced, having seizures after my daughter was born, having cancer. But you know thru it all the Lord Jesus has been there and he went thru this with me. Actually he knew about this before I was born. I am thankful I went thru this. It has made me a different person it has changed me to be more sympathetic more loving and to think of others more. (if I wasn't bald I would have not met some of the people that came up to me and talked to me and asked about me and I was able to bond with people that I would have never before) I thank God for me loosing my hair.
There is much more I could write about, my church taking care of me to my mom and family also. I will tell about that sometime too. Maybe I should write a book:)
Friday, September 09, 2005 |
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